A memorable Ending

Choosing a right ending is maybe one of the most difficult decision every author struggle to do. Everyone hopes it would be a happy one. But some of the most powerful story is usually end in a catastrophic event. It haunts every reader with one ‘why’ next to another ‘why’. JUST WHY? And you maybe forget about the story line, the romantic scene, the kisses, but a heartbreak ending will haunt you for life.

Example?

one that haunts me until this very day is Stargirl. i know they made a sequel. BUT HELL NO. I never accept it as the continuation of their story. JUST NO. Thanks, man seriously, you just ruin the whole story. Why can’t you just leave it like that?

And of course Eleanor and Park has one of the most heartbreaking ending i’ll never get over. I want to know the ending and i don’t at the same time. Something just better left unsaid.

****

So, why do i talk about ending?

Because, here i am, at the edge of one more ending in my life.

The end of my internship life. It actually marks the real adulthood of my life. Everything after this phase, will all be my own choice. My own decision. My whole responsibility. No one will be responsible for me anymore.

And it scares the hell out of me.

i’m like, wait, where the hell has 2017 gone? I don’t recall it. it was just my birthday in January and boom, it’s October and in a month i’ll end my internship.  It was pretty good you know, the internship.. Not always happy, but yah, i learnt a lot of stuff. And it’s kind a change me. Fortunately, a better me. I’m much more social right now, i can control my emotion better, i feel more confident, and i communicate better with the patient. Most things just seem better. MOST. I lost many things i used to love, things that used to describe me. I feel like i lost myself in the way to be fit in society. And that part, makes me really really sad. I have much more friends now, but i don’t read anymore books. I can’t. I just can’t. I remember how good it felt to read a really good book. But now, i can’t even finish half of the book. I used to write some of really really great review and post. Now i struggle to even finish one. I became a thing i hate the most.

Common people.

Ordinary thinking, mainstream music, and many usual stuff they like.

I know i sound like a true attention seeker, someone who try so hard to be different hahaahhaha. But actually maybe that’s true. I just want to see something from a different perspective that many people often missed. So in that way, i feel better, i feel superior you know. To know something that they don’t. I just love that feel.

Oh! but i also find many things i don’t know i’d liked!!

like, i don’t know that i’d really like to go to a concert! I LOVE IT!

i guess people do change right? it really scares me too. I mean, i can’t even trust myself to stay the same, so how can i be sure everyone else, especially a man i’m going to marry would stay the same, would love me the same forever?

Okay, back to the topic. —Damn me and my limited attention span.

so, ending.. how do i end my internship? i hope we will end this nicely and peacefully. I seriously don’t need any memory that haunts me for life. Hahahaha. But yah i just want to say i’m forever grateful that i got my hospital as my place for internship, also i got my team for the entire year. All the bad and the good, i’m truly thankful for them.

For any journey that waits  me ahead. I pray God will lead me just as HE PLANNED, which i believe with all my heart, is the BEST WAY i can’t even imagine. #fingercrossed

And anyway, please pray for Indonesia. God helps us. We’re such a mess this year. I believe God and the truth and justice will always win. And the bad may win for this time, but not for too long.

Okay, so long people, i’ll see you soon!

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Not Fine, but i’m fine.

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Hey it’s been a while since I wrote anything. I guess I’ll start with how I’m doing these days.

Whether I’m doing well or not is a very very complicated question, which, in returns, need a very very complicated answer. HAHAHAHA.

How do I start? Seriously, I haven’t written anything in ages. My writing skills and my grammar must have been deteriorated. DUH. But I’ll try.

Currently, I have been doing my internship for about 6 months right now. It’s a 12 months in total, it is divided into 3 cycle, 4 months each. I finished my first cycle in puskesmas, and now I’m doing my 2nd cycle, which is, the worst/the best I can’t decided, Emergency room.

My puskesmas life was AWESOME. It was sooo funn. My new friends are all so nice and so fun, I ‘m so lucky to have them on my team. Our life in puskesmas was so smooth. We were playing cards and eating together after we finished the last patient. Everyday. We were even going out together sometimes. The nurse and the staff were all so nice and supportive. God I love puskesmas life.

Except, one thing.

I know I wasn’t born for that kind of life. It will be okay for a couple of month, but sooner or later, it will be too boring for me. I’m a very analytical person. I need to think and analyze everything. Routines bore the hell out of me. I need challenges. I love them.  I was born for that. Soo, after I left puskesmas and my happy life there, I begin my ugd life.

I’m so torn between two different feeling about ugd. I love it so much, but I hate it too at the same time.

It was all I’ve ever wanted. The cases was really really good. It was challenging. It triggers my mind to think. I got all the cases I’ve never seen during my coass time. That feel when you’re diagnosing difficult cases was really addictive. But sometimes it’s too much. When you got too much patient and you couldn’t handle them well, when you have no idea what the patient had (because the symptoms was bad but you didn’t find anything from the physical examination and the lab result was all good), and ughhh i’m soo tired and sleepless.

But the worst feeling is when you lose a patient you handle from the beginning.

( seriously, baper banget pas dapet pasien yang kamu terima pertama, trus ternyata pasiennya end up plus ditanganmu. It was the worst feeling ever. I cried A LOT at first. Kalo pasien yang kamu sebentar sama dia, trus bukan kamu yang pertama kali terima, rasanya ga terlalu gimana sih kalau pasiennya plus. Tapi kalau kamu nanganin dia buat waktu yang lama, bond itu bakal terbentuk tanpa kamu sadarin. Kamu bakal ngerasa tanggung jawab sama pasien itu. Semua keputusanmu menentukan prognosis pasien itu. Just one tiny mistake, and YOU COULD end somebody’s life. Mungkin temen-temen bilang aku terlalu simpati sih dan itu memang ga bagus buat seorang dokter, tapi ada beberapa pasien yang aku ga bisa berenti pikirin. Apa dia plus karna aku salah diagnosis? Apa karna aku salah konsul? Apa aku miss sesuatu? Apa aku kurang monitoring dia? Dan banyak banget pertanyaan dicampur emosi yang aku rasain.

Dan you never forget your first dead patient.

For me it was a little boy. He was just 15 for godsake. He was in a motorbike accident. He wasn’t wearing helmet and he fell from that bike and he didn’t know what hit him, but he got bruise at his upper right quadrant. And I’m pretty sure he got his liver ruptured. His blood pressure was low and he slowly got into shock and it’s really hard to keep him awake. And even after giving him enough fluid, his blood pressure didn’t go up. I called the surgeon resident and he did the usg but he didn’t find anything. He then sure the shock was cause by blood in lungs. But they didn’t find blood in the side where he was hit. But in the other side. So they evacuated through a drain but there’s no blood. (ya iyalah ya, orang bagian itu ga ada jejas sm sekali) after there’s no improvement, they decided to ask the radiologist to do the usg and she find rupture in patient’s liver and kidney. And just right after we did the usg, pasien apneu dan kita resusitasi tapi ga berhasil.

Seriously,I was so confused that time, I didn’t know what to do, I can’t even think! But the resident was angry with me, he said that I didn’t monitor the patient right and blablabla. I was soooooooooooo angry. Seriously, I want to punch him right in the face. I want to break one/more of his bones.

Gue bukannya gamau ngaku salah. Jelas gue pasti ada salah. Itu jaga ketiga gue, dan gue udah handle pasien trauma tumpul. Pasti lah I make mistakes. Tapi pas gue udah lapor dia, pemegang tanggung jawab tu di dia. Gue jelas bawahan harus nunggu perintah atasan lah.Masa gue bikin decision sendiri. Dan gue marah banget bisa-bisanya dia nyalahin gue. Gue tu udah nanya berulang kali, dok ini pasien ga rupture hepar? Yakin dok? Mana bisa hematothorax sampe segini syoknya? Apalagi udah di drain dan tapping ga keluar apa. Lab juga transaminitis. Ughhhh. Belajar lagi sana usg,bos. Sumpah gue marah banget. Dan gue sedih banget. Bapaknya kasian banget. Dan gue bersyukur gue ga ketemu sama ibunya. Karena pasti gue bakal nangis di tempat saat itu juga. I cried my eyes out that day. Dari pagi sampe siang gue ga berenti nangis mikirin pasien itu. Perasaan gue campur aduk antara ngerasa bersalah banget, kesel sama residennya, takut kasus ini masuk komdik, dan bingung gue harus apa lagi kalo gue ketemu pasien trauma tumpul.

God, that day was soo tiring. Abis tu gue dapet pasien peritonitis lagi dan gue konsul lagi sama dia. Itu rongten udah jelas2 peritonitis loh, dy masih ngotot bukan. Ya kesel lah gue. Sampe gue belabelain cari radiologinya buat nanya. Dan dy juga bilang itu jelas udara bebas khas peritonitis. Ughhhh. Tapi gue belajar banyak lah, dan sampe sekarang jujur gue masih trauma pegang pasien trauma tumpul, dan untungnya sejak saat itu gue belum pernah lagi sih dapet pasien kaya gitu. Huftttt.

Maaf ya gess curcol. Tapi ya ini blog juga blog gue.

Tapi di satu sisi, pas pasien yang lu pegang bagus, trus lu bisa liat sendiri dy membaik setelah lu treatment, God that is sooo rewarding. It’s one of the best feeling ever. Gue ga terlalu peduli kalo mereka makasih ke gue ato enggak. Beneran. Pas pasien makasih ke gue tu yang gue rasain biasa aja. Tapi kalo gue liat dy membaik dan gue jadi bagian dari hal itu tu menurut gue adalah ungkapan terima kasih terbaik. I feel so proud, and I feel good. Walau bukan gue juga sepenuhnya yang berjasa, tapi jadi bagian nanganin di pas masa kritis trus liat dia kondisinya membaik tuu beneran bikin bahagia banget. That’s the feel. That’s the reason I want to be a doctor. That’s the reason why I stay.

So, you see right, why I was soo confused to describe my life nowdays? I was soo happy and in a minute, I can be soo depressed. All because someone’s life become my responsibilities.

Okay enough of that.

Everything else was okay I guess. I mean I didn’t even have enough time to think about anything else besides work.

No, I’m still single and miserable.

No, I have moved on. I guess.

No, I’m not in love with anyone right now. I’ve learned my lesson not to fall to someone who won’t love me back. So yeah.

As you can see from the picture i post, this post was actually meant for him. But i can’t find any words right now.

i’m so confused. Did he love me? Do i still love him? i don’t know. Did i really love him? because he never really revealed himself to me. So basically i don’t know if i know him or not. Do i really stupid and thinking he was in love with me, but maybe all his signal, it’s for another girl? and why do he keeps hurting her? if it’s me, I don’t want to be a part of someone’s pain.

I get it, it’s his life. His decision. I have no right or what.

But seriously. if you ever read this, please know that i will always love you, maybe it’s not that kind of love anymore, It’s more like bestfriend kind of love. You were a really good guy, and you’re funny. Seriously, i’ve never met a man who’s nicer than you. So i never regret that feeling. You made me laugh and made me feel good about myself, that’s why i really like you. I don’t know if it’s just my illusion or what, but if it’s true. If you really have feelings for me. Please don’t let me know. It’s too late. We could be the happiest people back then, but now, it doesn’t matter anymore.

I wish i could tell you how much i loved you that time. How much i want to touch your hand and run my fingers through your hair. How stupid i am when i’m around you. How devastated i felt when you choose her. ( pas lagi jejaring obgyn karang asem lagi. Gad. It was hard. I ate ice cream everyday for two weeks. You owe me 14 ice creams you know? hahahhah)

I really wish life would be nicer to me. And I would find someone who makes me feel the way you did.

Be good to your girl. I always think she’s kinda selfish for forcing her love to you. But in the other hand, i kinda admire her for her commitment. So maybe you NEED someone like that.

I wish you a really good life sincerely. You’re a good guy and you deserve that.

until we meet again.

 

 

What’s new?

I realize that writing is pretty much similar to muscle. It needs daily exercise to keep that buffy strong look. It could take a year to build those 6 fine rectus abdominus and a month to make it back to fluffy comfy layers of fat. And even a good exercise is not enough to be able to write good posts/abs. Your muscle and your writing ability need to be fed with healthy food plus good supplement. In this metaphor, what i mean is good readings on daily’s basis. I used to be soooo good at both. Reading and writing. Back in my glory days, i could read 2 until 3 novels every month. I fed myself good. I read blogs, review, news, anything to keep my mind sharp. I used to be this introvert weird kid, who is too shy to talk to anyone and totally enjoy my own companion with only a pile of good books. I miss that old me, you know. Days by days, i hang out with more people. I become comfortable around them. They make me feel safe. And i love it so much. Now, i hate being alone. I feel lonely. I value fun conversation and laugh more than a quite warm silent in my own room. Well, i become more positive, you know. That’s the good side. But i miss that old jane who is so sharp, so full of curiosity, so overthinking, and give zero fuck to the world outside her comfort zone. My writing used to be so good too, i can read it a hundred times and amazed myself. Hahahahaha. But it’s true. I admire that young me.

Well, the core problem with society now days is based on one simple thing. Social network.  I know that it has become a modern prison.  The first thing i do in the morning is checking my instagram. Every time i had a problem with anyone, i posted sarcastic curse on twitter. I never look for any good news anymore in BBC or Guardian because my mind has already been fed by all those trash in Line Today. I read people posting their feeling and anger in Facebook and i enjoy judging them. I’m fed with their relationship, friendship, and even family issue that has zero impact on me. Why do i care so much about them? Why do i enjoy listening to their problem and  gossiping with my friends about it? I was nothing like this back then. I try to minimalize my social network as little as possible. But it’s kind of impossible when your whole friends and community are there. Those social network’s feed give us something to talk about. Someone to judge. Profile picture to laugh at. Pre-wedding’s album to envy about. Just like that. It became our resources. And no matter, how sick i am with that, i can do nothing about it. I just have to catch up with how fast the world is moving. I’m so sick of people taking photos, snapchatting when all i want to do is talking to them. I’M FUCKING HERE YOU CHICKEN. Why do we even go out if  we didn’t talk at all and you keep looking at your phone? Gosh.

Media is totally a dangerous field. Once you become the highlight. There’s no going back. And they cannot be trusted. Your life feeds them. Your rising feed them, your fall feed them. Just take a look at some media’s victims. Agnes Monica, who used to be everyone’s role model. Now just one failure and all her past achievements are poof- forgotten. And  Taylor Swift with just one single blow, now the world turns against her.I mean that’s sick. And that girl, Sonya Depari. Who could forget her? Poor child. I wish she learns her lesson.

People spread hate comments faster than I can catch a single breath. It’s so easy to do that when you think you have no responsibility in the aftermath of those cyber bullying.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. -Oscar Wilde

and when something bad happened, people start to blame each other. The very same person who make the most hateful comment, become the wisest person in the forum whose comments are so calming.What a fucked up world.

And that Bikini Snack. Oh Indonesia, you’re a mother of fucking hypocrite.Saying that picture will destroy children’s mind  when ALL that fucking degraded TV shows are still on air. What a pathetic embarrassing losers. Do fucking something with those tv. Do you know how many elementary students now are already having sex? It’s so heart breaking. One day, i heard a kindergartener being raped by elementary boys. RAPED BY ELEMENTARY BOYS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. They were like 7 years young. I didn’t even know they can have an erection yet. WTF.

And seriously, please tell Line Today to hire a whole totally new team of writers. I really like the idea of Line Today at first. Indonesian people use Line as their main messenger. So it actually makes people read news, you know. And it’s good. But for godsakes, now they only write trash.

I know Indonesian youth has a lot of potentials. I saw not one, of really really great bloggers. They write so well. So deep in thoughts and passionate. I admire them. I just wish people write something like Humans of New York. Totally inspiring.

The whole point of this post is actually my epiphany about how important to feed my mind with good readings and good conversation. Just to keep youself sane when the whole world is insane.

Okay, enough anger for today i guess. See you later, world. Don’t read your Line Today today, okay.

J.

 

My kind of perfection- a fantasy

I’ve been thinking alot about life lately. About future, past, and present. About how will my life turn out. Will i be happy? Will i do something i love? Will i have a happy life?

Will i be content?

Que sera-sera. 

I love my life now. I love my present. And it doesn’t come from an easy past. I through so much, so even a simple thing now can make me easily happy. And yes, i didn’t regret a single thing of it. Well, maybe there’s a few things i could have done better, but i learn a lot from my mistakes. About being a better person, a better daughter, a better friend. I still make mistakes of course, but yah i guess i just have to get used to it.

But, just for this minute. I will live my imagination about a perfect life. A completely different life  which i get to choose.

So this is my kind of perfection.

  1. I’m going to own a small coffee shop

I love being a doctor. It’s my passion. It’s a perfect job. But it’s not a perfect life.

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In a perfect world, i really want to own a coffee shop. A small one is enough. With people spending time reading books or have a chat with their loved ones. And with some jazz. Norah Jones mostly.

2. I’ll live in New Zealand or any small city in England

Again, it doesn’t mean i don’t love Indonesia. But let’s be honest, the more days passed, it’s getting much more uncomfortable to live in. And this is not a kind place i hope to spend my old days at. With all the crime and the uneducated, emotional, racist majorities, I just can’t stand it.

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I just wish i can live at the outskirt of the town. with all the peace, a pretty road i can take a walk every afternoon with my husband and my dog.

3. I’ll have a farm behind my house. Or zoo, maybe

I love animals. And it hasn’t changed from the day i was born. I want to have a lot of dogs and horses.

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Give meeeee 10 alaskan malamute puppiesssss,pleasee.

4. I’ll mothered no child

I know it sounds controversial. But i have a strong valid explanation for that. I don’t know if i’m going to have a child or even children in the future. This is not an absolute promise of what. I love children, okay. They aree sooo cute. So innocent, so pure.

It’s me, the problem. I have attachment issue. The more someone get too attach with me, the more i drift away. and God, you know how attach a child can be to their mom. Like, i’m just sooo not ready for that kind of commitment. And it’s just i didn’t think i have what it takes to be a good parent. I mean, i’m going to be responsible for a life of an innocent human being. Ughhh, i don’t think i’ll ever be ready.

Again, i like children. And even, i have a space in my heart for down syndrome kids. I don’t know, i just loveeee them so much. I still remember there’s a down syndrome boy at the canteen of my hospital. One day i try to talk to him and he hugged me. I wasss soooo happy. I just have lots of love for them.

5. I’ll marry my childhood bestfriend

Hahahaha i watch too much drama and comedy romantic movies, i guess. But in my ideal life, i want to spend my life with someone i’ve known my whole life. Someone who already know me, i don’t have to explain myself again.

It’s not going to happen btw.

6.I’ll write an epic fantasy novel

I grew up with books around me. It’s kind a sad that now i didn’t read books anymore. I lost all the joy when i read an epic fantasy books. With dragons, elf, and lots of magic. But i remember how it felt. And maybe i will write my own fantasy world. With dragons, of course.

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Soooo what do we learn from this post, peeps?

We don’t live in a perfect world, where we get all what we want. But everything that happens in our life, happened for a reason. You and i are a part of much bigger God’s plan that we’ll never understand.

Sooo, be content. At least that’s what i’m trying to do.

Laters, peeps.

 

 

Lyrics that gave me chill

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Girl, it’s really good to see you come around.
I know you’ve been lost, I’m glad you got found,
‘Cause I’ve been a little lost myself.

Cross my mind-Twin Forks

You and I could be the best thing ever
We’re not happily ever after
We don’t got what it takes
And we don’t make plans
Cause we’re never gonna last
We’re not forever you’re not the one

Timebomb-ToveLo

One last time,
I need to be the one who takes you home

One last time-Ariana Grande

The silence isn’t so bad
‘Till I look at my hands and feel sad
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

Vanilla Sky-Owl City

Don’t say it was all a waste
Didn’t we have fun?

Fun-Coldplay

I could talk all day long about the news,
Giving you the current affairs with my views
I could talk all night long about a song,
Giving you the pointers on where you’re going wrong.
I could talk all year long about the net
Sending you the links I think you haven’t seen yet.
I’d like to tell you things that I think you never heard, but there are no words

No Words-The Script

Through chaos as it swirls,
It’s us against the world

Us against the world-Coldplay

And though you might be gone, and the world may not know
Still I see you, celestial.

Everglow-Coldplay

Leave without telling anybody

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I’ve always love the idea of being alone. Voluntarily. Not being lonely or being left out, because that’s actually what i hate the most. But i guess that fear of being lonely is the reason why i love being alone so much. When you drift away from the crowd, you are free from any attachment from any bonding. And you can’t lose something you don’t have, right?

People, in general, stressed me out, they freaked me out. And any relation with them and any conversation or even an even an eye contact,… exhausts me.  When i’m around them i feel too much emotion. And their emotions affect me so much. It multiplies inside of me, and it exhausts me.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my family and my friends. I totally enjoy being around them. It’s just, i need a lot of me-time after long hours with human. In the end of the day, i rather be inside of my warm blankets with a cut of chamomile tea beside my dog and my laptop. With all the peaceful silence.

Yerdengh-nga (v.)

I really love this word. It means “To leave without telling anybody where you are going.”

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Like, totally lost, totally free from anything that bounds you before. All those unfamiliar silence that i’ve never had before. When you walk, like nobody watching you, it just feels so right.

I know, i know, i sound like a commitment phobia. But i am just completely torn between the idea of loving someone so much, and how good it will be to be with them forever, and how good it is to be on your own, and being free.

Well i have a life time to figure it out, sooooo.. yahhh

See u later peeps. Have a nice long weekend. xoxo

Netflix and chill, or in my case, Torrent and chill.

An episode a day could keep the reality away. That’s what they said

I have a long history with TV show. from childhood favorite, like Malcolm in the Middle and Different’s stroke, until an epic R-rated ones, like Game of Thrones or House of Cards. From all the long lists i’ve made my top 8 favorites.

1. Game of Thrones

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Have you all watched it? Did it manage your expectation? And we even havent got a clue about Jon! Is he really dead. Ughh .. He’s not my favorite. But if he’s dead. I’m like………

These 10 weeks will be harddd for all of us,right? So much too expect, too  much feelings. hahahha

The story, the cast, the setting, all caught me in awe. The dark theme fantasy have always been my favorite, and i always loved to be surprise. Well, sometimes, i got too surprised with this show tbh. And what i mean by too surprised, is never in a good meaning.  It’s like they deliberately make us suffer episode by episode, you know. Just when i thought i couldn’t get worse….IT IS getting worse.

But this show was really something else. My fav character is Sansa. I know, i know what you guys thinking. But i really can’t wait to see how her character would build and i just hope she will end up taking revenge for her whole family. And my second fav is Drogo. Omg can’t believe how much i miss him! Sooo let us all cross our finger hoping that this season our heart will not as broken as it was in previous season..

2. House, MD.

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A phenomenal diagnostician with bad boy image and anti-social personality. He solve all the cases with a very extraordinary approach ,though.

I know this sound strange. But to me, House has more personal meaning than just a TV show. I could say it’s kinda change my life. Okay, maybe too much, but it definitely change the way i think about medical field, okay. I was so obsessed with him and took him as a role model, and that’s when i totally want to become a doctor. So yah, i could say he has his part on why i still in a medical field hahhaha.

I love house, always have, always will.

3. Malcolm in The Middle

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One of the earliest TV show i watched. And forever my favorite.

About a genius boy living with his strange, dysfunctional family. So funny, so smart, and totally an epic TV show. But I actually didn’t finished it, cause unfortunately, it gets boring after season 7 when the main character, Malcolm, became a teenager. It revolves around sex issue, drugs, partying and something like that. Ughhh, i just want him to be my little baby genius like he used to be. I miss malcolm. And to be honest, they had one of the best cast in TV history.

Legend.

4. Criminal Minds

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It’s dark. It’s depressing. It’s overthingking. Sounds alot like me.

Currently watching season 7. It actually have alot of cast who left the show and gosh i hate that so much. I hate it the most when Gideon left. Like, Omg HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER. How could he left ? But the whole idea about B.A.U really amaze me. Love it sooo much. Like it is so smart how they use epidemiology and psychology to narrow down the search of a suspect. Wayyyyy cool !

5. 2 Broke Girls.

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About an overly optimistic rich girl who lost everything she had after her father was imprisoned due to fraud. Then she have to live in the dark side of New York, work as a waitress, Then she met this sassy girl in the dinner and become best friend.

God, i loveeee this show. The jokes are one on the best one !! So smart, so sarcastic, soo clever. Love it. Max is my number one sarcastic guru. But yah, these days it doesn’t as funny as the first 2 season. But it’s okay, the jokes are still okay at least.

6. Scrubs

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About a man who just begin his role of recidency in a hospital. God, i really can relate to this show ! It was soo funny, but one thing that really stole the show was the 2 main roles Bromance. Never seen a friendship like that before. Hahahah. They are exceptional ! And even after the show finish they still best-friend. How good is that !

Actually i havent finish it either. Still in season 6. Gets a little boring after 5 seasons.

7. Life in pieces

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Kinda obsess with this show right now. It just finish its first season. It tells about a big family of four. The grandparent who has 3 children and each of their family. Every episode is divided into 4 short stories.

Sooooo good OMG. SOOO funny and many family values in it. Love ittt. Great casts. Kinda  reminds me of mordern malcolm family. Anyway, can’t wait for season 2 !

8. House of Cards

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This one is about politic, not my cup of tea i thought, at first, Then i was amaze by how good it is.

But it’s just for the first season, sigh..

At first the main character was so exceptional. The Underwoods, he was a senator who was betrayed by his political ally, but then he used a cruel smart way to climb his way until he become the next president of The United State. He was sooo charismatic at first, but then at the next season, ughhh, he still cunning, but not that strong and charismatic as he used to be. It turns out his wife stole the show. A graceful lady who is as cunning as her husband. I love herrrr. Yah haven’t seen the 4th season. Hope it’s good.

———

I know how many good show i didn’t watch such as Friends, Grey’s anatomy, Big bang Theory, but i just think it’s too late. hmmm And i’ve been looking forward to watch vikings and Sherlock actually. Let’s see if they worth the fuss.

Bye for noww. Kisses.

Let’s play 25 question with Jeanne!

Hellow guysssss. I’m currently polishing my blog. Make it more personal but edited some ‘too’ personal details hahhahah. On my way to a brand new life. Embracing a new beginning and move on. 

Since i have a little to post right now, i’m just gonna post this quiz, okay? it’s a 25 random question. But believe me, if you want to get to know me, this is the best post to describe me! LOL

Enjoy!

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#tbt Gosh that view! Miss that so much!

 

  1. Who was your favourite Disney princess as a child?
    Ariel. Growing up as a ginger, rebelious girl have always been my goal.
  2. What do you fear most about death?
    Left people behind. Alone. Being forgotten. Can’t see my loved ones anymore. I don’t know, i mean you have no idea what will happen to you next. And whatever it is, you have to through it for ETERNITY.
  3. Cat person or dog person?
    Both. Love dogs more,but act like a true cat person.
  4. Favorite TV shows?
    House. One of the main reason why i’m still in medschool today.
    2 broke girls. Max is my number 1 sarcasm guru.
  5. What’s your “lucky” number?
    I love 3 & 11. For no rational or spiritual reasons.
  6. Do you believe in aliens?
    Well, the bible never told that there are no other creatures across our galaxy. So, i’m ready for that possibility.
  7. If you were the last person alive besides one other person you get to chose, who would it be?
    It scares me that i actually have noone in my mind to answer that question. Maybe my dog..
  8. Do you like math?
    Yes.
  9. Do you like rainy days?
    Those are my absolute favorite. The sounds, the smell, the temperature. Perfecto.
  10. Would you rather die by fire or by ice?
    Fire kill faster, i guess. This is a weird question. I want neither of them as my way to die.
  11. Ever had a crush on a teacher?
    Nope. Well, I like some doctors here. But a teacher in school? NO. Most of them i hate to the core.
  12. What are your favorite smells?
    Jasmine tea, rainy days.
  13. Who knows more about you than anyone else?
    My mom. if there is a quiz about who know Jean the most. She would even beat me.
  14. What was the last film you watched? Did you like it?
    Just watch a korean movie called miracle in cell no.7. I cry a river.
  15. If you could write a daily column in any newspaper of your choice, which would it be and why?
    Obrituary. I am good at something dark and poetic.
  16. Your dream man
    Love dogs, Love to cuddle, Love to play with my hair, Love to tell me about everything he has in mind.
  17. What are your worst traits and features?
    Introvert
    Self-conscious
    Tempramental
    Awkward and Socially impaired
    Anxious
    ……..Baper
  18. What are your best traits and features?
    Passionate. once i loved, i love deeeply and sickly. once i hate, babe, you have no idea.
  19. Favorite body parts
    My dimples
  20. Favorite singers
    Been listening to Carly Rae’s voices recently.
  21. Favorite Songs
    This is an impossible question. I’ll just pick 3 of my fav.
    – Kae sun- Ship and the globe
    – Meaghan Smith- Here comes your man
    – Rod Stewart- It Had to be you
  22. What kind of mom are you?
    Stop-embarassing-me-mom Mom and Stop-bring-some-random-dogs-home-mom Mom or Oh-my-God-mom Mom 

    CdXbR6GWIAAB2EB
    Literally me as a wife.
  23. Favorite foods
    Ice cream is everything to me. Then sushi, and then full course of seafood. And almost anything with pork. Shitttt so hungry right nowww. Oya and for snack. I do loveee raisins.and I also lovee tea 😍
  24. Are you Happy ?
    Woowww. That’s a little bit complicated i guess, But overall i guess i’m okay.
  25. 5 things on your bucket lists
    – Disneyworld
    – Cuddling with lions
    – A month or two stay in New Zealand
    – Snorkling in Raja Ampat
    – Finish all Game of Thrones books

Attachment. Yay or Nay?

Today, i’ve come across, like, at least a hundred people outside. I saw many faces; strangers, acquaintances, and my loved ones. Then i think, I may befriend some of those strangers. Those acquaintances may somehow be my loved ones, and those who is now my loved one may become a stranger again one day.

What i want to emphasize is, We don’t know.

We have no idea who will come to our life, who will left and who will stay.

I had some best friends. Once upon a time, i thought we will be bff forever. Literally. We were inseparable. It was just us against the world. I had the time of my life with them. I was HAPPY. Beyond happy. But, then life happened. And what once too good now become too unbearable.
And that happened way too often. Too many times, i loved someone to the core, to be in each other team, but now we turn our back, walk a separated path, away from each other.

God, it is sad. I hate farewell more than anything in the world. Now, if i think back, it left a very unpleasant feeling i really want to get rid of.

But what makes me more sad is how good i am at moving on. While people tend to isolate them self, i find new crowd. I love again. And get used to a life without them. I don’t forget. I never forget. What i used to have with them, but then i know i’ll never have them back.

Now, i have some really really great friends. I don’t think i deserves them. They make me better. They make me love myself. But the clock is ticking and my time with them will soon come to an end. And i was sad. I feel frighten. Cause i know we can’t never be at this state again in the future. We will have our own life. We’ll get used to not being with each other. And then the contact will become less and more less. then lost for years. They’ll only come across my mind several times a year. I’ll find new friends, so will them. I’ll have a new life, so will them.

Nothing’s forever. Forever is too good to be true. It doesn’t mean i lost faith in true love or true friends. I’m sure what i had with them, with all of my best friend is true. It’s just it’s not like in the 50s, where you stay in the same neighborhood for the rest of your life. Have the same friends forever and  live a very faithful  married until death do you apart. It is so damn rare nowdays. And i am never the luckiest person on earth to have everything i wanted. I just wish i’ll have something close to that.

Not always happy, but someone who is worth fighting for and will fight for me. But even if not, I’ll try to love again, i’ll try to move on again, and make it through. Cause, like people said,

Life doesn’t stop for anybody.