I used to love writing so much, it was an easy-peasy job and hobby. Now, I found it extremely difficult to put words after words, to find the next punctuation to use. However, they said journaling could be an effective therapy… So here it goes. My journal. Maybe I’ll start by using a writing guide I found on Pinterest.
- Write down one regret.
I regret a lot of things. But most of them were centered on trusting the wrong person/people. Trust and open up is a difficult work. And trust and love go hand in hand. I may love without trust, but I can not trust without love. So betrayed by the person you love and trust was damn hard.
Takes me years to forgive and I still failed.
I don’t know if it is wise to talk about it in an open blog like this. I usually never talk about something that I haven’t got over yet. But I guess it’s about time that I release all the anger. And maybe she will one day visit this blog and know exactly what I think about her lonte-ness.
Save your seat, cause this one is gonna be a long long long story.
Part I
I know this girl from my work in a remote area. She was sweet and kind and so pretty. She’s also new there. Her BF was there first and asked her to join him. After a few months, she broke up with him. She cheated on him and he did the same. (I’m gonna tell this story later)
Being on a remote island, alone, and being an introvert was scary. So finding a friend who also just got there not too long before me, made us bond strongly. There were around 10 other doctors there, but since only 4 of us were new, so we hangout a lot together, and we were close. I even shared a room with her throughout the year.
Everything seems going okay at first, then a new variable came to the island. Like in research, this one unexpected variable can change the outcome significantly. There’s a surgeon who came to work there. He was married. And then, it wasn’t really obvious at first, but since she was taking an interest in general surgery, they became close. And closer, anddd closer. Until he was blinded by love or lust, he started to make many changes, so he could spend more time with her. He forbade the rest of us to enter the Operation Theater (OT) but her. Using her interest in surgery as an excuse. The thing is, the money you get from the OT is quite a lot, that’s why the rest of us feel that this new regulation is unfair. I, being a stupid naïve Jen, as I used to, believe that there’s nothing wrong with it. I innocently believed that it was acceptable since she wanted to be a surgeon, and I willingly gave my surgery shift to her. I don’t really care about the money, since I really don’t enjoy being around him. And he then started to become obvious that he likes her, and he kind of treated the other doctors unfairly. He was an arrogant man. Like, really, really arrogant. I solemnly hope that one day, that arrogancy will lead him to his grave. And she started acting like a victim. She played the innocent part, saying that it was all his decision and she could not do anything about it, since she felt it was not polite and ungrateful. The other doctors started to hate them. Like really really hate them. And they started to alienate her and talk behind her back. I was squeezed between them. I was living in the same room as her, she was my best friend, and I did like her a lot. We get along very very well. I even kinda missed that day. But on the other hand, I had another best friend who hated her very very much. I was so confused. Like really confused. She was crying a lot when she talked about how people misunderstood her, and treated her bad, that she never had any bad intentions. And of course, this stupid jen believes all those tears (again..).
Like, I did think that she was crying, so she cannot fake those tears right?
Like her acting must have been very good if those tears are fake, I thought.
So, I chose her side. Stupid Jen.
Jea.nn.e 